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*A quick preface of why I wanted to write this blog post. After recent conversations with friends, I realized that couples often hit rough patches when it comes to intimacy. I intended to write it as something to share of what has worked for Peter and I. It doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone. But it is my duty to share with you. If this is not for you, please stop reading here.



Ten years of marriage is a long fucking time! Things tend to get on the stale side. When I mean “things”, it’s romance, spontaneity and of course the most important of them all, SEX! Wouldn’t you agree?

I would be the first to admit the bedroom activities hasn’t always been fun and games between Peter and I. At times it can feel like a chore. I would make tons of excuses not to have sex.

“I’m tired.”

“Don’t feel like it.”  “

“Need to wake up early tomorrow. “

The most cliché of them all, “I’ve got a headache.” 

I’m speaking the truth and you know I’m right.  Let’s be real! (You guys are probably nodding your heads right about now).

A lot of factors can become an issue of “lame sex”. Every couple has their own reasons for these moments. It may be lack of communication, distractions or boredom and so forth, but we’ve all had them. I’m not a marriage counselor… I’m just a forty something year old woman, with a husband and kid, that experienced the “lack of excitement” in the bedroom from time to time and now sharing what’s been working for us, lately.

So……CUM (pun intended with sexy voice) and I’ll let you in on some bedroom secrets.


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Spontaneity: Be open to exploring this broad idea. It can be as little as having sex in a different part of the house, not just the bedroom right before bedtime. (shhh…just don’t wake the kids). Think outside of the box. It doesn’t even have to be at home. While on date night, whisper some naughty things in your partner’s ear and see where it takes you.  Just do whatever gets you both excited. The sky’s the limit. 

Open Communication: This is one of the most important practices in our marriage. Talk about what your sexual fantasies are. What gets you hot and bothered? What are you willing to try and not try? Communication is key. You can’t satisfy each other, if you don’t talk about what you both desire. Sex is not a one way street!

Role Play: This can be kind of weird and embarrassing. But nobody needs to know what goes inside of the bedroom. Role play can be fun, if you let it. You can let some of your wildest dreams out and be willing to explore. Here are a few you can try: Teacher/Student, Doctor/Nurse, Dominant/Submissive, Stripper/Patron. You get my drift. Oh and don’t forget to talk dirty!

Sensual Music: What ever gets your groove on is what it’ll take. Download a sexy playlist, whether it’s 90’s R&B or Barry White, will get you and your partner in the mood for sexy time. My jam is Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve & Gwen Stefani (don’t judge). 

Sexy Lingerie: Feeling or looking sexy enhances the sexual experience. Quit wearing those nude bras and mommy underwear. It’s trash! Sexy lingerie is often just the thing to turn the heat up a notch. Who doesn’t love to feel wanted?   

Bedroom Shoes:  This is something every woman should have.  Toss comfort out the window and find that pair that accentuates your best “assets”. I recommend the ones with the red soles.

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Staycation: Throw on a nice dress, sexy heels and lingerie, go out for a nice dinner and stay a night at a local hotel. A different location will change things up. Schedule some room service for the next morning and enjoy some cuddle time. Here’s some inspiration from our last staycation.
Candle & Massage Oils: My favorite is JimmyJane After Glow Candle. Their products functions both a candle and hot massage oil. They smell amazing and relaxes you instantly. 
Weed Lube:  Sorry boys, this one is just for the ladies. A lubricant infused with THC enhances sensual pleasure by increasing blood flow to the girly bits. Follow directions on the package for more info.
*Disclaimer: Depending on the state you are in there may be some legality issues on this one, so make sure you are aware of your local laws before purchasing.  Foria has received some positive reviews if you are so inclined.
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Sex Workshops: Get a group of girlfriends together for a GNO and find a class in your local area. Whether it be bedroom tips, sensual massage or a blow job class, there’s always something to learn. I went with a few of my girlfriends and took “Art of  the Blow Job”, and it was lots of fun and giggles. A complete eye opener!

Toys:  This can go from mild to wild in an instant.  Fifty Shades of Grey may have opened the door, but there is a wide range of toys out there to enhance a couple’s time in the bedroom. It can be as simple as a wooden spoon for a little spanking play or explore the range of products on sites like Babeland. Despite the name, The Womanizer is one of my favorites.

I haven’t openly talk about sex much. It’s considered a faux pas in Chinese culture. For all I know my family thinks I’m still a virgin and that I had Kinsley through immaculate conception. Not being able to talk about sex, other than your husband, really sucks. Exchanging tips can be so helpful to spice up your LOVE life. 

Now you know some of our secrets. Grab your partner and go make some of your own.


XX, E.


All photos by Marylee Johnson

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Cortney Bigelow October 4, 2018 at 9:00 AM

Girl — I love you and your inspiring content. This shit is good, and you are a babe! Thanks for opening up on the topic that everyone thinks about yet rarely talks about!

PS: another great lube is Woo For Play — — coconut organic goodness 🙂

elisa October 8, 2018 at 10:06 PM

Thank wifey! Yes on the Woo!

Becca October 5, 2018 at 5:24 PM

I love this! Lots of good tips in here. I love the staycation idea 😍

elisa October 8, 2018 at 10:05 PM

So glad it was helpful B!


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