SELF-CARE: A BALANCING ACT

Eforelisa pink top white skirt 3

Eforelisa pink ruffle white skirt 2

 

WARNING: This is NOT a fashion post you’ll normally see. There will be profanity and not suitable for the fainted heart (sarcasm).

 

SELF-REFLECTION

My life always revolves keeping busy. Whether it’s family, friends, blog stuff, social meetings or hobbies, I always have something going on. I don’t know how to fucking sit still. That’s who I’ve been all my life.

I do it, because I get bored easily and constant motion means, I’m not wasting time. There’s too much out there to live for. Or maybe I get so obsessed with achieving goals, I LOVE to get rewarded with compliments.

The realization came when I was having dinner with one of my dearest friends, Irene. She mentioned that I “look skinny”, not like a compliment, more like she was concerned. She was not the only one that said that. I’ve been receiving the same comments from friends that haven’t seen me in awhile.

When you hear the same things multiple times, you start to believe them. Then I began to question myself….  I wasn’t working out much, nor was I dieting. Why do I look so skinny?

Irene says, “Looking at Facebook, you seemed really busy….. Are you doing too much?”

Maybe I was.

I started to look through my “to-do” list and became very anxious. My mind is going miles per minute, between remembering to buy groceries, to meeting a friend for dinner to posting a photo on Instagram. Anxiety was building up and I get very tense. It could explain the bad moods.

 

Eforelisa pink top white skirt

Elisa's legs up with oxford shoes

 

BALANCING ACT

When I finally realized that I was spreading myself too thin, I re-evaluated my prior commitments. I asked myself, does any of these things bring me happiness? What does it add to my life? Is it worth missing time spent with my family?

So I started to cancel a few activities that was bugging me. The most I felt anxious about was the triathlon I signed up for few months ago. I didn’t train enough to race the course. It built a lot of anxiety, like a dark cloud hovering the back of my brain. My conscience kept telling me I needed to keep up with my swimming  and biking.

It was literally fucking driving me insane.

Part of me wanted to do it because I didn’t want to give up. Another part of me was trying to prove something to everyone. Then, I made the realization that I wasn’t doing it for myself. I was doing it for everyone’s approval. That I needed my close friends and family to tell me “I’m amazing”.

Shit! I know I’m amazing AF. I don’t need validation. I just have to believe in it.

So you know what! I said fuck it. I’ve done a similar race before. I know I can do it. I don’t need to prove to anyone and I’m fine with that. In the past, I would feel like a failure. But I was happy with my decision. I rather have my sanity!

 

Eforelisa pink ruffle top white skirt

Eforelisa pink top and white skirt

LEARNING ABOUT ME

During this self-reflection, I learned the importance about balancing life. Keeping busy with meaningless things doesn’t fulfill me. I need to spend time on stuff that matters.

I’ve even consider going to see a therapist. To talk to someone that won’t have judgment or opinions about me. After discussing with my friends who battling with mental illness and depression, I realize there’s no wrong in seeking help even if you’re “fine”. Curing your brain and heart, leads to a healthier life.

At age 41, I’m still trying to figure shit out. I thought I could rule the fucking world by the time I was in my twenties. That’s such bullshit. I was so WRONG!

You’ll never stop learning about yourself….

Sometimes you just have to pump the breaks, breathe, reflect and press “reboot”.

 

Xx, E.

 

Photos by Emily Cheng

You may also like

4 comments

Becca August 3, 2018 at 9:43 AM

E, you’re already ruling the world! I commend you for taking the time to reflect and see your activities objectively, to balance what you want to do versus what you need to do. That takes a lot of strength and introspection. You ARE amazing and one of the most creative people I have ever met. Everyone needs time to chill! Time for a spa day? xo, B

Reply
elisa August 3, 2018 at 3:57 PM

Thanks Queen B! Love that you feel me. I look for you for support and comfort, cuz I know you understand. It was hard for me to express how I felt and putting all to words. When I’ve read it over 1K times and fine tuning it, it helped figure some things out. Blogging heals so many problems. Yes on the fucking spa day!!

Reply
Stephie August 3, 2018 at 10:34 AM

E, all of this is SO TRUE!!! And good for you for being aware of your feelings and taking them seriously. You know I struggle with anxiety too, so I can totally relate. I’m going to start seeing someone about it too! 🙂 You’re doing great and I think the world of you!!!

Reply
elisa August 3, 2018 at 3:54 PM

AWe love you Steph. Thanks for your supportive words. You’ve been such a sweet and thoughtful friend since the short months we’ve meet. Xoxo.

Reply

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.